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Sunday, November 29, 2009
Parts: A Sunday Rumination
From a conversation that took place a little earlier this morning:
FWP: Matt back yet?
DK: Since yesterday morning. Still asleep. Things are weird, though.FWP: How so?
DK: He's really jumpy.FWP: Probably about the Thanksgiving thing. Did he read your piece?
DK: I don't think so. But I did tell him that I forgave him.FWP: Ain't gonna be enough, babe.
DK: Why not?FWP: He's clearly stuck on it. In his position, I would be, too.
DK: You think he doesn't believe me?FWP: No, it's just still with him. Did he tell you anything about the occasion?
DK: No. I think he'd rather talk about anything else.FWP: Then it's still on his mind. Did you ask him about it? Just a "how was Thanksgiving dinner" sort of inquiry?
DK: Yeah. He changed the subject so fast it gave me whiplash.FWP: I rest my case.
DK: So what do I do now?FWP: You expect me to know?
DK: Who else should I ask, Flashy? You're my only male friend. The only hetero one, anyway.FWP: Well, you could try a nice musk-based perfume and that pair of YSL Tributes he bought you.
DK: Flashy...!FWP: I really couldn't say, babe. Beth and I are way past all that. Her family hates me, I won't have them in my home, and we spend our holidays alone, or with our kids if they deign to put in an appearance.
DK: Always?FWP: For nearly ten years now. It does simplify things. Consider what Anya and James "had to do" on Thursday: breakfast and parade-watching here at the Fortress, then lunch with Anya's Dad and stepmom, then two dinners, one with each of James's parents. I don't think my blood sugar could stand the burden.
DK: Sounds intense, all right. But meanwhile, back here under the banyan tree...?FWP: Duyen, some people have a very hard time letting things go. Certain sorts of things, anyway. With me it was always resentment over past slights and injustices. With others it's consciousness of having erred. Maybe Matt's working on forgiving himself. That's at least as important as getting your forgiveness.
DK: Mmmmm...so?FWP: Have you ever been stuck on something, babe?
DK: You know I have.FWP: What pulled you out of it?
DK: It's hard to say. Mostly, life just went on, and eventually so did I.FWP: Maybe that's the ticket here. Not everything that ails a man is treatable with talk. Some things require sex, beer, or a day at the range.
DK: Or all three?FWP: In extreme cases. Look, life is a three part invention: past, present, and future. Even really smart, really healthy people can get stuck in the past or hung up on the future. It's really hard to hold tight to now. Whoops, I missed it. Let me try it again...now! Whoops, missed it again!
DK: ROFL!FWP: See, at least you're okay. Matt will be okayer and okayer, the longer he's in your company. May I make a suggestion?
DK: Shoot.FWP: Can he get someone to cover for him at the shop tomorrow?
DK: I don't know. I'll ask. If so?FWP: Tell him that if he'll take tomorrow off, you'll spend it with him. Take him to Roosevelt Field this afternoon. How's your petty cash situation?
DK: Dandy. What have you got in mind?FWP: Jewelry is to women as watches are to men.
DK: The Tourneau store?FWP: Got it in one, babe. Put something pricey and masculine on his wrist. Override all his objections. Tell him it's his engagement ring, and the only time he's allowed to take it off is before he gets into the shower. Then take him to Peter Luger's and feed him until he bursts. Then take him home and love that dinner off him.
DK: You're in quite a mood today!FWP: They come and go. How's that program sound to you?
DK: Would it have worked on you?FWP: I don't wear a watch; I'm frantic enough as it is. But he does, right?
DK: Yeah. And a pretty crummy one, at that.FWP: Sounds like a go to me.
DK: Doesn't a watch remind you of how much time has passed?FWP: It also speaks of the fleeting nature of the present, how precious every moment is. It tells you that the future isn't here yet! Matt will understand. I can't quite guarantee it, but I doubt you'll regret it.
DK: If this backfires on me, Flashy, I'm going to have some harsh words for you.FWP: Help, Mommy! Look, babe, this is the way our minds work: we remember our past, we hope for our future, but we squeeze all our actual living in between them. A healthy person does all three, with emphasis on the present. The people to beware are the part-people, the ones who get so stuck on the past or are so anxious about the future that they simply can't live in the now. They have a lot in common with any other kind of fanatic you might name: one dimensional lives, obsessive personalities, immunity to reason and reassurance, a resistance to love and joy. You're not like that, I'm not like that, and unless we've both misjudged him completely, Matt isn't like that. Just give him a little time, and a little tug -- wrist and johnson together -- and all will be well.
DK: You're a scamp, you know that?FWP: You're far from the first to say so. Do me a favor?
DK: Name it.FWP: Do the Rumination this morning? I'm not at my best, and I have a lot of other things to do before I can sit quietly and untangle my brain.
And this man thinks I'm a genius.
May God bless and keep you all!
Comments
I’ve really got to meet you guys.
M
Posted by Mark Alger on 11/29/2009 at 11:47 AMYa know, there are times when I read “bits of life” here (and a few other choice blogs) that I feel like I am witnessing something right out of a Heinlein novel. This would be one of those times.
Nicely done Duyen!
And Mark, you are soooo correct. (And have to meet you and a host of others as well.)
Posted by Guy S. on 11/29/2009 at 02:05 PM...that sounds like remarkably good advice.
I really think that Mr Porretto missed his calling in life as a priest.
Posted by on 11/30/2009 at 07:29 AMWhen someone contradicts their own code of conduct, it may take a long while for recovery.
Usually it requires actions of their own to redeem themselves. Think in terms of Arthurian Legend and the Dolorous Stroke which maimed the Fisher King.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dolorous_Stroke
Not all Spiritual Wounds are equal in severity. But it is nice you recoginzed Matts distress. But then, you love him - inspite of your sorrow over the situation he was forced to confront.
If handled properly, it may make the bond of love between you two even stronger - just like a scar from a wound.
Posted by on 11/30/2009 at 08:54 AMOnly Mrs. Porretto can speak to Fran’s ability in the vocation he chose instead (presumably she’s satisfied with it though), but I’ll say that I agree with pdwalker that, even if he didn’t “miss his calling”, Our Host would have been excellent at the job. He reminds me often of the truly excellent priest who was kind enough to officiate at our wedding 387 marvelous days ago. That resemblance is the main reason Eternity Road is one of only three blogs I still follow regularly.
Posted by Matt on 11/30/2009 at 11:05 AMThink in terms of Arthurian Legend and the Dolorous Stroke which maimed the Fisher King.
Oh, great, Cond, so a little (pre)marital strife and you’re already talking about the maiming of genitals. LOL.
Duyen, for the sake of men everywhere, don’t listen!
Goober - writing all of this with tongue planted firmly in cheek
Posted by on 11/30/2009 at 08:29 PM"Oh, great, Cond, so a little (pre)marital strife and you’re already talking about the maiming of genitals. LOL”
The story is a metaphor. The maiming of the genitals is symbolic. It is also an extreme example of a ‘spiritual wound’ which signifies loss of potency and that metaphysically encompasses more than fornication.
Do try to be a little more well read… Goober.
Posted by on 12/01/2009 at 04:42 AMAfter re-reading my comment #4, I see it may get misconstrued.
Below is the exact same post, but one sentence moved into another position for the sake of clarity. This should clear up Goobers misunderstanding (and be of more solace to Matt and Duyen):
------------When someone contradicts their own code of conduct, it may take a long while for recovery.
Think in terms of Arthurian Legend and the Dolorous Stroke which maimed the Fisher King.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dolorous_Stroke
Not all Spiritual Wounds are equal in severity. But it is nice you recoginzed Matts distress. But then, you love him - inspite of your sorrow over the situation he was forced to confront.
Usually it requires actions of their own to redeem themselves. If handled properly, it may make the bond of love between you two even stronger - just like a scar from a wound.
--------Posted by on 12/02/2009 at 08:21 AMIt is also an extreme example of a ‘spiritual wound’ which signifies loss of potency and that metaphysically encompasses more than fornication.
Posted by on 12/19/2009 at 06:35 AM
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