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Friday, December 17, 2004
A Seasonal Agony
This annual trial of nerves and pocketbook leaves many a strong man gasping for breath and pleading for surcease. The problem isn't so much the shopping, and mostly it's not the expenditure either. The problem is gift selection.
There are many popular approaches to gift selection. All of them are wrong. Let's have a look at some of the most frequently recommended.
The Memento Of A Shared Experience: You chose it because it will remind him of some special event that links the two of you. Are you sure he wants to be reminded of it? (Immediately reject a reminder of any event that involved damage to the genitals, or an encounter with the law, an ex-spouse, a repo man or a bill collector.) If you're reasonably satisfied that he would, then if the event is far back in the past, such as your wedding or the last time you made love, will he be happy about the amount of time that's passed since then?
The Expression Of Tender Sentiment: You chose it because it expresses, in a unique, fuzzy-cuddly way, how you feel about him, and will be there to tell him so even after you've slept with all his drinking buddies. This should require no further analysis, but just in case it does, how happy will you be to find it on a shelf in his basement behind his collection of fasteners, caulking tubes, and greasy hand tools?
The Enthusiast Gift: He's an enthusiast about golf, or bugs, or Egyptology? Then he'll know what's hot and what's not in those categories. He'll already have the titanium driver, the definitive study of comparative antennae, and the wall-mural timeline of Egyptian history (gilt on velvet, tastefully superimposed on a ground study of matadors and bulls). If he doesn't yet have them, whatever you choose will be second-rate. He'll feign delight, but you'll know it will be feigned. He'll make sure you know.
Something He's Always Needed: This approach seems impeccable at first blush. After all, who would object to being relieved of the expense of an item he's needed for half of forever, by the attentions of a considerate friend? Oh, no one at all....except everybody. To purchase a practical item for a friend is to imply either that he can't support himself, or that his priorities are badly flawed. Neither will endear you to him.
The Cute Tchotchke: Synonym: dust collector. 'Nuff said.
But if all these be incorrect, what's a gift-giver to do?
Simple: Get him something you would like.
The logic is straightforward. He'll understand why you got it, and he won't fault you for it. If he dislikes it, you'll never know; he would never dream of insulting your preferences, and he'll feel too guilty to let it show. And if for some reason he asks you to return it, you won't need to. After all, it's to your tastes, isn't it? So keep it for yourself.
However, your Curmudgeon must note a special case: lingerie. Men like to see their women in lingerie -- indeed, we like it very much -- but many women resent the implications of such a gift. If you buy her lingerie, be prepared to face the giggles of Victoria's Secret personnel -- you did get it at Vickie's, and not Frederick's of Hollywood, right? -- when you bring it back. Unless the two of you are of a size, that is.
Comments
I learned long ago, that in my relationships, the safest bet is to buy jewelry and ask for gift certificates. So far nobody has obected.
Posted by og on 12/17/2004 at 01:14 PMDiamonds are indeed a girls best friend..and if only for a short term (depending on how many carats said stone comprises) the gift that will keep on giving *grin*.
Posted by Guy S. on 12/17/2004 at 06:56 PM
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